• Solli Anders Son

Let's throw away those old shoe pairs & dance barefoot!

Spotlight on authentic inner change processes and authentic personality growth.

Dear readers,

Many of you might have reached moments in life where everything felt so stuck, that suddenly this state gave birth to a huge force and wish inside of you for inner change and transformation. Are you actually going through any change process? Here I want to share with you some insights that really helped me to keep the right focus during my inner change processes.

Since we are little, we are taught that pain and negative emotions are something we should avoid, while positive feelings and joy have been things we should perceive and accomplish.

But is it really that simple?

Life brought me to a point where i believe things are quite different. Today i believe that all of our emotions, especially the ones we are taught to avoid and that are stigmatized as negative ( pain, hurt, sadness, anger, shame, stress, tension ) are the ones that really enable and facilitate us an huge internal change process, if we decide to embrace them and observe them carefully. I believe there is a message behind every pain, stress, tension, sadness or anger, aggression & shame, that tells us: You can become the person you want to be.

We will see that most of the time, the only person that hinders us from living the life we want to live and become the person we want to be, is just us. For example because we don‘t turn away form things that hurt us or stress us. Or because we permit us to become so hard in the inside, so closed-up, nurturing our inner fears.

Many of us have come to a point where everything inside of you is screaming for inner change and transformation. But, how many of your wishes have become true for you, and how many oft them are just some sort of wishful thinking?

Here I collected some ideas and tips about how change and transformation can succeed successfully and authentically towards the insight and the outside and not just remain in wishful thinking. But firstly, i want to tidy up with some false beliefs about inner change processes.

False beliefs about inner change processes

1. It is never too late for you to become who you dream to be. Your chance has always been waiting for you to step up the stairs and go for it. Even if you are 90 years old and feel that most of your life has passed by, the only thing that exists now is the present reality. Now is and always has been your chance, your moment. Think about this: Past and future are only mind contructs but not the present reality.

2. Our wish for inner change and tranformation does not always or necessarily mean that we will really change or transform in the inside.

3. Only because we begin a therapy and change our life circumstances, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are really living an inner transformation process. Maybe only our life circumstances have changed?

4. Once we did our inner work, everyone will finally see our beauty and finally we will be loved. Please, don't fall into that illusion, because only the people that are able to see our beauty will actually see it. What is more important: Love yourself for who you became.

5. Digging in the past and recognizing personal issues and pattern ( psicoanalisis) does not necessarily enable us for inner growth.

You recognize these false beliefs if you notice yourself falling back into old thoughts, pattern and fears, althought you actually were so ready to say goodbye to them.

Now, are you ready for the good news?

Here I share with you some very good advices for your authentic personal growth .

1. You are the only one who can do it

Not your therapist, not your girlfriend will change you, not the lessons of life. It depends on your inner decision. I recommend you to get a clear vision of what kind of change you wanna archieve and why. Your motivation must be high so keep the eye on what motivates you.

2. Confrontation: Be braver than ever.

Most people wish to let go their personal fears and become more open and trustful. But what really enables us to overcome fears? My answer to this question is: ...Confronting them. Here I give you an example of 3 typical society fears and some ideas how you could overcome them.

Example 1: You are someone who always does and says what corresponds to social standards. In this way, you are often not standing by your own truth. You fear to speak and express what you really think and feel because you fear to be rejected. Your way to inner transformation might consist in speaking out what you really experience, feel, think.

Example 2: Maybe you are a person who manages most of his relationships on an comfortable but superficial level and who only in rare cases really opens up. Secretly you know that you fear is to enter in close relationship and expose your vulnerabilty. Your way for inner transformation might consists in entering in closer relationship and reveal more of your vulnerabilty.

Example 3: You are someone who always adapts to others and and too often subordinates his own wishes and potentials. You always have a compliment for others but you secretly don’t believe you could do as them. Maybe you have grown up under such a competetive, ego controlled circumstances that you do not perceive your potentials the way you could, because in this way you might become a rival for others? Your inner transformation may consist in learning to trust in your own strength, beauty and potential and showing more of it to others, knowing that your shine will be an inspiration.

3. Always and ever: Keep the focus on your (new) lifepath

As soon as you have decided to begin walking a new way in life, there is nothing more important than keeping the focus on it! Where is your focus? Where is your way? Remember it, in every moment? Keeping your focus: Only confronting real life that is happening to you here and now ( meditation might help to reach this state) . In this way, you protect yourself from pursuing stimuli and thoughts that nurture old fears and unhealthy patterns.

4. Welcome the future openly : Let’s throw away all those old shoe pairs!

First of all: Lets let go all those thoughts and expectations that you connect with change. Lets let go of all those people you secretly wished so long to see your transformation.

Lets throw away all those old pair of shoes! Is it not much more beautiful to let life surprise you and enjoy the things life brings to you in the present moment? I promise: Life will give you chances and bring to you what is good for you every day, if you do your inner work.

In this way, every day is always a new adventure!

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