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  • Solli Anders Son

7 dancer`s secrets that will define if we find love in our relationship

7 Ideas how dance can help us to reveal important information about ourselves & how we can use this information in order to get to a completely new quality when it comes to dealing with love and relationship.

As you might know, I am very into dancing therapy. Dance has recently helped me to understand so many of my own personal pattern , issues & potentials. And some interesting outcomes of this personal work, I would like to share with you in this article!

If we imagine every encounter or relationship in our life as a dance, this enables us to to see things just so much easier and playfullier and it can open our eyes to what's really happening between you and the other!

Because we dancer know, that dance is nothing elses than corporal communication. And communication in dance is just movement, which in other words is nothing else then fleeding energy!

The energy level you and your dancing partner develop is actually depending on your communication and the trust this communication gives you both, as well as on your coequal wish to improve your dancing skills together! And so it is when it comes to relationship:

The depth of your relationship is depending on the quality of your communication, as well as on the willingness both of you to enter deeply in this relationship together.

I will use dance in this article as a metaphor for relationship between people. Imagine the space between you and your partners body as a field to be filled with everything the relationship contains: Emotions, feelings, memories, movement towards each other and away from each other. In this field, both of you are sharing unintentionally and intentionally so much information. The longer you dance with someone, the more of your personal inner wishes, needs, hopes and fears you will reveal.

The less both of you are concerned about own personal issues, values, wishes, boundaries and needs, and the less you can communicate them, the more difficult the dance and the relationship will be for you.

It can become very uncomfortable and even very painful then! You might bump into each other , misinterpret each other, your ego will stamp on each others feeth, in summary: It will feel more like a fight then a dance.


So how to get ( back) to the high, wonderful level of energy when it comes to love & relationship?


Being in love and dancing together with someone are one of the most beautiful sensations of the world- both of them make us so creative! So we better keep them in our life, ain't we? If you wanna know how, you might want to ask yourself these 7 questions first:


1. Is your partner convenient for you?


I personally believe that you will always choose the right partner for yourself incounsciously because you will need to learn certain things in a certain period of time, you can only learn them with this specific partner. This is good news: The longer a dance takes, or the more dancing partners you have, the more your dancing skills will improve in a very natural way. Because you will be a better dancer on your own, and you will be a better dancer with a partner, the more you practise. This is the same when it comes to love!


2. Are you concerned about your personal issues and needs and can you communicate them with honesty and without drama?


This one thing i know so far for sure: I can dance better with any partner who knows about my difficulites and who can support me, in in order to overcome them. If you are concerned about your personal fears, issues, and feelings, and you can communicate them with honesty and without drama, this will deepen every relationship and it will create a field of trust that can help the other person to get in contact with own personal issues, too. Of course this means showing yourself vulnerable. But in my life I learned that vulnerability will actually be your most important strenght. It will protect you more than once from getting heartbroken for too long and it will sort out people in your life that are not caring about you, but just interested in your advantages. So be courageous and share your inner fears, feelings and needs- and see what happens.


3. Can you admit things to develop in a natural flow?


A dancer is a good dancer not when he is focused on doing the correct steps in the correct chronological order in the right time, but when he is just enjoying the beautiful emotion that music and dance can awaken inside of him: He is going with the flow! And curiously, so it is when it comes to love and relationship. If you and your partner concentrate more on the beautiful feelings and admit things to flow in the natural tempo that feels comfortable for both of you, you will automatically stop worrying and complaining.


4. Do you both have a strong center and selfconfidence?


All dancers work is mainly about developing a strong but relaxed center and core. A strong and relaxed core in dance helps you to trust in your inner strenght. A strong center is the key element to keep the balance with a dancing partner even in difficult positions. And guess what, a strong center and selfconfidence are the clue points when it comes to keeping the balance between your own needs and the needs of your partner in relationship! A strong center can be a methaphor for all things in life that give you confidence, security and strenght. It is the confidence to be wonderful & unique just the way you are !


5. Are you willing to enter deeply in the relationship, give yourself away to the other and can you let go of him (or her) in case of doubt?

True closeness in couple dance as well as in relationship is actually a very hard thing to admit if you have been hurt and got your feeth stamped before. I know this from my own experience. I found myself always keeping a certain distance from the other that hindered me and my partner to connect on a deep level, before I started to work on this topic. If we admit trust, love and dedication in a tempo that feels right for us, this will cause the biggest changes in our lifes and our personality. It may permit us an incredible selfdevelopment. Key elements for you to work on it will be to believe deeply in your own loveability and loveableness, moving away from any expectations of what love (or dance) should be like, feel like, and what your partner and yourself should accomplish, as well as the development of a deep mutual respect. Remember this: True respect that comes from love means to be able to accept the other in all is essence of being, accepting all of his or her differences and disparities. In the most difficult cases, this will mean to accept the "No" the other person gives you.


6. Are you being sensitive for the signals of the other person?

Easy and true: If you are not listening to what the body of you dancing partner tells and proposes, you will not be able to dance with him or her! Are you able to really feel the impulses the other gives you, or are you already reacting out of an old personal mindpattern, while your dancing partner did not give you any signal? This is so interesting and important thing to train yourself on in dance AND in relationship, in order to really be with the other person! You will need to look sensitively at each other and train your intuition in this work .


7. Do you perceive a mutual vision?

This one thing I know for sure: When I share a mutual vision with my partner where we can be both be creative ( for example developing a choreography together, archiving a new quality of relationship etc. ) this feels like a "jet propulsion" to me. It makes me very become very passionate because I can believe in our mutual dream ! If you don't have a common goal with your dancing partner or your boyfriend/ girlfriend, it is really time to act! Also if this means skipping the comfortable TV evening in order to go out there and save a life together...

I really hope these 7 truths about love, dance and relationship I am sharing here with you secretly will bring passion, lust & magic into your life. ;)

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